the rear end of the noughties.

although a cringed look comes onto my face as i think that we are going into the tennies or the teenies. i think the teenies still belong on cbbcs and out of our history books. im ready for 2010 but this year has been this mass experience, im not going into it because thats long and some memories i have decided to just let go, or do my best to dismiss. yeah sometimes its been a bitch to be me. and yeah im coming out of 2009 a lot more damaged then i went into it. but a good kind of damaged. one that i can now use to my advantage and save myself at least a bit of embarrassment and hurt.
but from the time that big bennies hand points to twelve, im in 2010 and ready to make it immensly crazy.

hope my life changes

little lepricon

so much love for this man.

even the guys have love for gerard butler.

those thesbian types.

i love acting. like nothing else. that rush, adrenaline.

dancing in state competitions?
singing so amazingly you get the lead in a show?
drawing guys with rockets coming out their ass?


me? its acting. i look around, i see so much talent. talent i dont have. i think; i will never be as good as that.

but. acting, i dont give a shit. if im good or bad. no matter.
because when i step out onto that stage. lights, audience, those butterflies playing havoc in mystomach. they fall still. silent.

musings.

its not because i lovelovelove the drummer. its not because this song grows on me more and more everyday.

if you watch it then you'll see how immensely into it they get. its so cool watching them, in a video, live whatever, they always have this incredible energy. and people wonder why concert tickets are so bloody expensive, but i really sooo want to see them live. they look amazing in concert.

so if you have a few hundred pounds to spare how abouts you and me go and get blown away by them?

25 seconds in, i love his head bobbing thingy he has got going on♥

mother nature is a fine looking lady.

im no pohotographer, my talents go into making as akward a situation as possible and singing word perfect to muse when i think no one is listening, but when i was walking around in the woods of some palace in madrid, this was so beautiful i just stopped and stood and stared. i wanted to take as many photos as my camera could holdfrom every possible angle and sit there for the day and the day after, but the sun went away and the wood returned to its sinister darkness. i have never been stopped so suddenly by anything since.

happy thoughts

think happy thoughts, deep breath and lets get through this week.

finally, some answers?!?!

no, you will never be able to make trackies, uggs and a hoodie fashionable (even you alexa)
yes, you will get your heart broken into teeeeny tinnny pieces at LEAST once, and i mean really teeeny pieces
no, life is not just about bolloking exams and coursework
yes, you will someday find yourself completely blissfulllyl happz
no, im not going to be a sheep and walk around on all fours with the rest of the flock
yes, i am going to make myself useful someday
no, i will never be slienced

yes, emma knonws all.

a real best friend.

i know that we are going to be 89 and still sat together, bitching about the people who fucked up the world and handed it to our generation to sort out, we will be sat, balding, mouthing the words perfectly to your iPod. we are going to be the really cool oap's that rave at the back of the bus, making everyone else on it kind of uncomfortable.
but ontop of everything we are going to be the ones who can be at least a bit happy, knowing that there is always going to be someone who is a constant in our life looking out for us and always being there to support eachother and pick eachother up when no one else is there.

break free....

london tomorrow,
you have got to love going to london, its that kind of rush that you get. the promise of surprise or something new. i love it. and it makes me realise how much i want need to get out of here. i love living here with all my friends and my school nearby and all but i have to know that im going to have something more. living in a city like london is exactly how i see myself in the future. its weird how i have no idea what im going to do, but i know where i want to live. i know i want to be spending too much money on a small but cosy apartment looking out over other buildings and roads with those red double deckers going by. i might not have enough money to pay for lunch but i know i would be completely and perfectly happy living with that bit of interest in my life. its that kind of promise of getting out to somewhere like london that almost drives me, so that when im spending my day doing nothing but prep work for an art exam, it doesn't matter because 4 or 5 years time, i will be earning my own money, living in my own apartment in an interesting city doing what i love and living life the way i want to. i want a small balcony that at night i can put loads of blankets out and curl up and write or read or sketch under stars, the page lit up by the moon. it might sound silly or cheesy but that i pretty much what im aiming for.

i sit here, wide eyes...

its out there. its real. untouched by us and completly and naturaly beautiful.

i want doesnt get

look at her, running after something that fate wouldn't let her have, wasting her time, loosing herself in this 'silly obsession with love'.

my subconscious, the bitch

im not saying i have a split personality, however i make no promises in the years to come.
its so messed up how a dream can set my mood for the entire day, it can decide how i react to situations and people and dictate my decisions. i can spend hours obsessing over ridiculous musings, or i can just sit, staring into nothing taken over by an empty blankness.

sane, insane - tomato, tomarto

one cannot go insane for insanity is something you are born with but reveals itself over time.

venus, meet mars...

in madrid, there were so many statues dedecated to the goddess venus and the god mars, and i was thinking -which lets be honest is never a good thing- how did they manage to meet?
and then i came across this old greek myth:

Humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. The constant need for the other half is love.

lets face it, its a hell of a big world out there, how are we supposed to meet our 'other half''?
advertising? kissing as many frogs as possible? sheer luck? or good karma?

turns out the only adult in my family i know organized a double date with mum + dad and her with her new girlfriend. so what im trying, and failing, to say is eventually we all find some kind of way to this final destination, impossible though it may seem. so stop stressing, can't be that hard. right?

oh ash,

stop breaking our hearts...

no masks, no pretences.

why is it so dam hard to talk to people, and when i say talk yeah i know we talk, everyone talks but its just mindless babble that consists of no actual thought or feeling. think, how often you actualy say what you're thinking, or if someone asks you how you are, why is it that we think its better to just reply with a false 'yes im fine'. why do we always act like we have no deeper feelings?
i might be just an 'adolesant' (and god do i hate it when its as if being slightly younger means you dont have the potential to have meaningful thoughts) but i do know what its like to hate someone so much you feel like you can't control yourself, i know what it's like to want someone so bad that its all you can ever think about. and im not going to pretend i dont, not anymore.

OMG you have man shoulders!

where can i get some?
ahh, at last... a sigh of relief for those with broader shoulders then they would have liked.
GUYS! its all good, you're cool now :D

mum let out a cry - of joy im hoping- when she decided to expose herself to todays fashion world in the form of a vogue magazine, to find out that shoulder pads is back on the streets at fullllll balst. at long last, an item of clothing from her tragic 'younger days' is couted as fashionable by todays designers and icons.

me? i can't wait to get in on this over exaggerated shouldery goodness.

just as soon as my pin number is accepted again... oppps?

ellur there.

basically i have my wonderfully cute-but-gay scrapbook but i used up too much ink so the 'rents got all aggs and made me use black and white ink which looked shit.
so here i am. newbie love?

okay first, three things to know and forgive me for:
1) i couldn't spell if your mums life depended on it.
2) making up my mind can be as impossible as me out running usain bolt at 100m
3) ergh... i forgot the last one.

and this is me :) emtits is soo immensly lame but how the hell do you mkae 'emma' interesting. please, if you find a way tell me. (no E.T. really doesn't count... it gets old)
and geography case studies really do suck, im not kidding... i got kinda distracted and spent 15 minutes trying to figure out why the hell knowing that tropical rainforests have 2,500 mm of convectional rain (there are actualy 3 types of rain... wtf?) is going to help my in the 'big bad world'. but no conclusion. its the same for so much stuff that teachers are filling my head with atm. like, please someone clue me in on the importance of knowing what enjambment is.

wonders of the world eh?
im off to laugh at jeremy clarkson top gear, oh the witt :')



dont you just love coming across the greaest and weridest videos on youtube?