Wednesday 31 March 2010
Sunday 28 March 2010
are you kidding me?
im so tired of my life at this moment in time, everything is so infantile. its so sickening at times.
i really dont care if im trusted with things, its not like i ask anyone for permission...
how old do you have to be before you can finally do what you want?
i want my own apartment.
i want a job i care about.
i want to be able to go on spur of the moment trips.
i want to be acknowledged as a person, not a minor.
here's the thing,
i cant be immature and just have fun without being judged,
and i cant be independant without having to check its okay first.
so where the hell do i stand?
i really dont care if im trusted with things, its not like i ask anyone for permission...
how old do you have to be before you can finally do what you want?
i want my own apartment.
i want a job i care about.
i want to be able to go on spur of the moment trips.
i want to be acknowledged as a person, not a minor.
here's the thing,
i cant be immature and just have fun without being judged,
and i cant be independant without having to check its okay first.
so where the hell do i stand?
Thursday 18 March 2010
please.
talking about the future makes me realise how little i need, if i could just live in the city, with enough money left over for art exhibitions, concerts, books and clothes, oh and the occasional spur of the moment holiday trip, well that would just cut the mustard.
all i need is a a reasonably sized kitchen, toilet with a bath, a mattress on the floor, a balcony sized for two, a wall of shelving, an offensively loud sound system and a reliable Internet connection. oh and it needs to be in the city. preferably drury lane.
all i need is a a reasonably sized kitchen, toilet with a bath, a mattress on the floor, a balcony sized for two, a wall of shelving, an offensively loud sound system and a reliable Internet connection. oh and it needs to be in the city. preferably drury lane.
flushed?
you know your true emotions when something is said.
and there is no way of getting out of it, no quick or witty remarks to change the subject.
you just have to sit there, take it, and hope everyone forgets before more is said to the wrong people.
you know it, because you can feel every square centimeter of you skin flaming uncontrollably red.
and its a nanosecond of panic whilst you come to realise your not actually on fire.
you just have to wait for your blood vessels to return back down to their correct place.
it is the fastest that i have ever gone from temperate to roughly the temperature of the inside of a volcano.
the worst give away, because its unmistakeable and uncontrolable.
AND, i have no hair to hide under and try to cover up some of my beetroot coloured skin.
and there is no way of getting out of it, no quick or witty remarks to change the subject.
you just have to sit there, take it, and hope everyone forgets before more is said to the wrong people.
you know it, because you can feel every square centimeter of you skin flaming uncontrollably red.
and its a nanosecond of panic whilst you come to realise your not actually on fire.
you just have to wait for your blood vessels to return back down to their correct place.
it is the fastest that i have ever gone from temperate to roughly the temperature of the inside of a volcano.
the worst give away, because its unmistakeable and uncontrolable.
AND, i have no hair to hide under and try to cover up some of my beetroot coloured skin.
you there.
the one with the bright blue eyes.
i fail to understand how you seemed to constantly have so much happiness present on your face.
i dont know who you are
and i never will, but you taught me something
that i should be so much happier with my life, im so wrapped up in the things i dont have i forget to come out of my own little world and see whats in front of me.
simply by getting on the bus, just as you were, as happy as can be
talking to whoever sat near you, as if they were a friend you've known all your life
weather they were old or a baby toddler
it was just one human talking to another, simple as
and when you were on your own
you looked outside the window as if completely captivated by the world that was passing you by.
you looked like happiness personified.
i wonder how many people noticed that bright liveliness in your eyes.
most would just fix on your wheelchair, or all the scratches and cuts.
all this in just a few glances.
i fail to understand how you seemed to constantly have so much happiness present on your face.
i dont know who you are
and i never will, but you taught me something
that i should be so much happier with my life, im so wrapped up in the things i dont have i forget to come out of my own little world and see whats in front of me.
simply by getting on the bus, just as you were, as happy as can be
talking to whoever sat near you, as if they were a friend you've known all your life
weather they were old or a baby toddler
it was just one human talking to another, simple as
and when you were on your own
you looked outside the window as if completely captivated by the world that was passing you by.
you looked like happiness personified.
i wonder how many people noticed that bright liveliness in your eyes.
most would just fix on your wheelchair, or all the scratches and cuts.
all this in just a few glances.
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